| 日 | 月 | 火 | 水 | 木 | 金 | 土 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ||
| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
Today, I was at the laundromat when a huge, tattoo-covered man wearing nothing but denim booty shorts and a wife-beater sat down beside me. He stared at me for a while, before telling me all about how I reminded him of his "first prison bitch." FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, at my wedding, my husband's drunk friend admitted that the only reason my husband and I started dating was because he was dared. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, before I went into surgery, the patient next to me just finished the same procedure I was going to get. As he woke up in the recovery area 10 feet away, I was getting my final prep before the operation. On my way into the operating room I was comforted by his screams of agonizing pain. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I thought I felt my baby kicking for the first time. After excitedly exclaiming this fact to the few people around me, I involuntarily let out the loudest fart. Not the baby kicking, just gas. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, after having a pretty rough day, I decided a nice, hot shower would be great. Ten minutes in, the shower head apparently couldn't take the water pressure anymore, and it flew off and hit me in the face. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I started my job as one of those sign spinners. About an hour later, some people drove up, yelled, "Bitch, get off my corner," and threw water balloons at me. My boss made me keep working in the soaking wet outfit. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I came home to find a note on my door from the neighbor saying "I saw a coyote eat your dog, but was afraid it was rabid." FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I tried to swallow a spoonful of cinnamon. I ended up vomiting chunks of burgers, all while bleeding from the nose and suffering throbbing testicles. I then had to clean it all up. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I sat down on a chair after my very large boss sat on it all day. When I got up, my pants were damp. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He responded by fist pumping. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
Today, my first date consisted of him and me in the emergency room of the hospital after his little brother hit me in the face with a baseball bat. FML＜Bing Translator API翻訳＞
